I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We live together, we spend a lot of time together (especially these days as we both work from home a lot).
A couple of weeks ago, we went on date night. Let's be honest, date nights when seeing each other every day don't always feel as "exciting". You know during the first dates, we were a little nervous, still getting to know each other and learn a lot about interesting facts about the other person while loosing ourselves in the ocean of their eyes ...
That night, we were both really happy to be together but our conversation revolved mainly around day-to-day things : our work, our move, our family. I felt like bringing some of the first-date excitement back.
And I remembered the 36 questions.
36 questions to ask someone you want to fall in love with or to grow your love even stronger.
To quote the authors of the study: “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.”
In other words : Mutual vulnerability fosters closeness.
Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.
We pulled up the 36 questions on this website and started asking and answering them to each other.
The result : we had a truly amazing time. It changed the entire energy of the evening together.
Why I loved the 36 questions exercise:
Obviously, we were already in love, but it created a really cool moment between us, where we really focused on our relationship and not on what needed to be done in the house. We left the restaurant feeling more connected to one another.
We would normally not ask each other these questions, and the fact that we had to answer them pushed us out of our comfort zone. It made us think and sometimes clarify things we might never have really thought about before.
We both got to share personal stuff and learn things about the other we didn't know, so I like to think that it really did bring us closer.
For some personal questions, the other partner already knew the answer. That was interesting to see how deep our connection already was.
It's a really cool ice-breaker when you wish to have a great time but for some reason, the mood isn't really there (yes, even in a happy relationship, even for very talkative people, there are times where you feel less inspired to talk).
We didn't do all the 38 questions in one evening (we only had time for 8 questions on the first night). We saved some for later. A couple of weeks later, on date night again, I pulled the website but we actually had so much to say to each other that we didn't need it.
Here is my invitation to you. Next time you feel like the atmosphere between you and your partner is a little tense or just not super exciting, go on the website and start asking a few questions to each other.
You can also make it a whole date night. Plan it ahead of time, get excited about it, and make it a fun moment between the two of you.
Are you going on a first date and feel a little nervous? Check out some of the questions ahead of time to get some inspiration in case the conversation goes flat.
Oh, and you can also do that with friends, or with family members you wish to get closer to. Why not?!
>> Share your experience with me! I'm curious to hear what you thought about it.
And in the meantime, take care of yourself and don't forget to do more of what makes your heart sing.
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