How to deal with people who annoy you
The other day I shared with you on Instagram how I nearly got mad at one of my team members for not showing up to a face-to-face training we had with the team.
She was the only one who "didn't get the info" even though we had confirmed it many times. It was supposed to be a special training for my team, also because we hadn't seen each other for real for months.
Why I *nearly* got mad at her but not really mad?
A few years ago, this situation would have really upset me. Showing up on time and being accountable for our actions is something I deeply value. And I used to take it very personally when someone would show up late or worse not show up at all. That would put me in anger mode for hours (days?) ruining my energy.
This time was different. When it first happened, I felt myself triggered. I saw the scenario of "a-few-years-ago-Fiona" overreacting and getting mad. But instead of going there, I took a deep breath.
I breathed it out and I decided to ask myself :
► What would next-level Fiona do?
Instead of overreacting, I took a moment to reflect and calm myself. I wrote to that colleague and shared constructive feedback without getting mad and then I simply let her know about the next training happening later that week that she could attend.
I didn't let it disturb me for hours. I didn't let this be the center of my day. I chose to let it go.
While I shared that on Instagram, a friend of mine asked how to find the balance between letting go and still feeling respected?
It's not always easy to "be the bigger person". I'll give you that!
Here are a few things that are important :
▷ Our emotions are our responsibility. And it's also our responsibility to not let them "eat us". In this case, I had a training to give, and I didn't want to arrive at the office angry and overwhelmed. So I focused on what I could control instead.
▷ If the situation bugs you to the point that you feel triggered, or you take it personally or your reaction is way bigger than what the situation asks for, it means something else. There is something for you to work on here. Be curious about that situation is and reflect on it, on why it makes you feel this way...
If you have a hard time letting go and you start getting into a negative spiral from there (you mention it to everyone that day, the next day you still think about it and get upset, etc.) it means the person has pushed one of your buttons. The best thing to do here is to look at why you have that button, not why the person pushed it. Without buttons in the first place, you wouldn't feel that intense negative emotion.
▷ If you find yourself in similar situations throughout your life, this is especially important for you to look into it. Do you feel like people "always" bail on you? Are they "always" doing this or that to you? Remember, if something happens once, it's maybe a coïncidence. If it happens twice, well, it couuuld be a coincidence. If it happens three times or more... It's a pattern.
▷ The fact that you work on yourself doesn't mean you cannot give the person corrective feedback when it's necessary. Placing boundaries is very important. But the intention within is different, it comes from a place of serene respect for yourself instead of anger.
▷ Especially in relationships, you don't always want to be the bigger person all the time. But a relationship is a 2-way street and it's always interesting to look at what part you do play in the current situation/fight/argument. Remember you can only put an objective on yourself, you can only improve yourself. You can never put an objective on somebody else. Even when you really really really want to. You are the only person you can choose to make grow. But the beauty of it is that when you do work on yourself and become the next version of yourself, you will start seeing how the situation sometimes miraculously solves itself. In some cases, you working on yourself will even change the other's behavior.
"When I change, the whole world changes"
Now don't act or change your behavior hoping for the person's behavior to change as well because that is then placing an objective on them... Just focus on yourself, and then enjoy observing what is happening (or not) with others. But most importantly, enjoy feeling the peace within you.
▷ Finally, it helps to think about the final goal. The bigger picture you wish to attain. For example, having a positive relationship, having a great team atmosphere, creating an environment where my team members feel like they can make mistakes without risking their jobs, or simply feeling serene. That helps to take some distance and to take the right decision, even if they are annoying right now because really you'd like to be right.
▷ Oh, and last but not least, I like to ask myself "Is this a problem of my ego or my soul?". Trust me, most of the time, this is my ego who just wants to be right. My soul, on the other hand, is probably looking at the situation thinking "Everything is ok, you're human, they're human. Let's just grow together."
Next time someone annoys you, take a moment before reacting. Reread these tips. Look at these people as a lesson. Really, they are angels dressed as a**holes. They are gifts to your life because they help you see where you still have space to grow.
And don't forget... luck is an attitude!
Like this article? Pin it for later! 📌