Starting a couple's therapy has a lot of stigmas and seems very heavy.
Imagine telling your partner: "I think we should go see a relationship coach."
Can you already feel the heaviness of that statement?
That is one of the main problems in relationships today. We made it such a big deal to ask for help and support that we wait until it is almost too late to work on ourselves and our couple.
What if instead of going into heavy therapy, you could spend time to better know each other and get the tools to understand each other's personality better, meet your partner's needs, and learn how to diffuse conflicts.
Wouldn't that be a huge asset for the future of your relationship?
And this can actually be done when you and your partner are doing good to PREVENT your relationship to turn sour.
Instead of reacting, let’s be proactive in our relationship and go from good to GREAT.
A few years ago, I listened to a podcast episode from Tony Robbins and world renown Belgian couple therapist Esther Perel. One thing that really struck me was this :
When we want to create a business, what do we do? We go to business school, we take classes to understand how a business works. Then, when we start our company, we hire people to help us in areas we aren't qualified in: an accountant, marketing or a sales team. It all seems very normal to everyone. But what about love?
Building a lasting relationship is probably the most difficult enterprise anyone is going to undertake.
We are expected to fall in love and "meet the One" around 25 years old or something, then live happily ever after without ever learning anything about how relationships work. For most of us, our only teachers in this domain will be our parents, our friends. Most likely, very poor teachers, as they all also only had their own parents and friends as teachers. Or, you can learn from movies, and let's just not get into how incredibly irrelevant and misleading romantic comedies can be...
I've heard so many stereotypes about therapy and coaching that show me how little we really know about it.
My Top 3 eye-rolling clichés are probably this:
"If a couple cannot make it on its own after a couple of years, then it means that the partners are not right for each other"
"If you love me, then you should know what I need; I shouldn't have to say it to you".
"We're smart/educated enough to figure it out on our own".
Whether it is individual coaching or couple's coaching, here are a few things I want you to understand :
The human brain and our ways of living are complex. Solely being ourselves a human being does not qualify us for being an expert on the matter. If you have never learnt about how you function as a human, you will need to learn. And if you are in a relationship or in any kind of social group, you will need to learn how the other person works, and how you can interact together.
Life learning is, well, a lifelong process. You're never done, but every time you make a step in the right direction, it becomes easier.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. The opposite! Accepting your own vulnerability and accepting that you don't know everything is a proof of strength, courage, and intelligence.
You can always benefit to learn from people who have already accomplished what you want to accomplish.
Keep in mind your bigger picture goal. What do you truly want? Because in the end, it doesn't matter that you have to get support from a professional if that support helps you reach your goals.
PCM Couple Express Coaching
So what kind of couple "therapy" can help you?
If you would like to have tools to adopt a more peaceful communication and manage the conflicts that arise within your relationship WITHOUT embarking on a full couple's therapy lasting several months I have something for you!
The PCM Couple Express Coaching is made just for that!
The Process Communication Model is a personality and communication model which allows to know ourselves in depth, to understand our ways of functioning and our intrinsic motivations, to nourish our psychological needs and to get out of our stressful behaviors.
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How does it work:
Both partner take the PCM test and then in 3 session I help you understand your resultats and how to best use them.
In only 3 sessions you will:
- Know your own personality better
- Understand your partner's personality in depth
- Know how to use the model to add more harmony in your relationship, have easier communication, and fewer tensions on a daily basis.
-Know how both your personalities work together, where it can be challenging, and how to avoid miscommunications.
It will give you real tools you will be able to implement RIGHT AWAY.
How did it work for me?
My boyfriend and I took the test and we both learned a lot about how to live with each other. We started implementing that knowledge right away and we saw a huge impact on our couple.
✔︎ If my boyfriend, who is considered a "dreamer" by the PCM model, is in a bad mood, it may be because he didn't have enough time for himself, alone, during the day. When I slip away for twenty minutes to offer him this qualitative moment with himself, he smiles again and comes back to me naturally.
✔︎ I have also understood his need for structure (his second base is a "thinker") and I make sure now to better explain my organization of the week to him and to put things that I personally consider to be details in our common agenda. Far from wanting to control me, he actually just needs to know in advance.
✔︎ He, on the other hand, understood that when I'm angry "leave me alone" never means "leave me alone" and that a hug accompanied by a little joke does wonders to calm me down.
If you want to deepen your relationship with your partner, if you feel that you need a helping hand to find that peace and love you used to have daily, taking the PCM test as a couple may be an ideal solution for you!
I am offering PCM couple coaching this month! Learn more here.
Email me now or message me on Instagram @myyellowhorizon. I'm only a message away.
And remember, luck is an attitude.
Fiona
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